I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
In America we eat man semen.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
