i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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