I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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