He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
