if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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