I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Pants 0. Shit 1.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
