Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
