can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
