pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
