I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
