Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
