I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize