just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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