i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
