4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
