he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
