Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
