I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I want to fling myself into the sun
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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