I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
