he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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