can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
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Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
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Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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