I am puke
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
