Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
handjob tips. give me some.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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