wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
