did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
