Will you blow on my dice?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
