I am spending my child support on dildos
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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