I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
