and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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