I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
