drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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