You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
