At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
