We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
