I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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