I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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