are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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