My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
