Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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