a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
