I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
