You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
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I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
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Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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