At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
