I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
either way he was missing a nipple.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
