garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
