To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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