I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize