Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
