They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
