I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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