Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
