But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
