You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
