the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i came on her dog
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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