Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
