I can tuck mytits in my pants
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
