4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
