My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
