I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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