I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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