Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
ttyl tear gas
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
