Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
