Pappa wants mamma naked
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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