I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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