grandma shit on top of the toilet
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
