im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The Olympian is in my bed
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize