i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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