She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
