OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
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She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
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I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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