I puked a lego.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
pray to the hookup gods
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
