the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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