There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
