i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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