You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
