Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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