you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
