i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We don't watch enough power rangers
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
