is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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